Mexican singer and actress, Thalía, returns to Vogue (Mexico and Latin America) as a guest writer to talk about age discrimination and her intimate experience.
A few months ago I came across three articles that caught my attention. In these publications I was surprised to see a common denominator when talking about fashion and age. I was impressed that the headlines used concepts like: 'Sneakers Style at 50', 'Look how to wear baggy pants and Nike sneakers at 50', 'A list of heels that are perfect at 50 +', and more. But, honestly, the one that made me most curious was one that suggested how to wear a dress at 50, according to a design that I had worn.
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In my head many questions crowded: What defines what a woman should wear at fifty? Why should a person of a certain age look, dress and act a certain way? Why do they want to tell us what we should or should not use after a certain age? What is proper at 50 years of age? What is improper at 50? Isn't fashion an extension of individual expression? That fashion is not timeless, asexual, has no race, has no language, but suddenly it does have age? All these and some other questions haunted me.
These articles caused too much curiosity in me, since the last years have seen inclusion on the catwalks of the world; Milan, Paris, New York and more, embracing and exalting the differences of gender, body, race and even age. I wanted to give the benefit of the doubt that perhaps the people in charge of writing these articles could be from another generation – perhaps younger –, but then I thought that these always go through the review protocol in the different ranks of the editorial before be published.
For this reason, I have dared to write these lines about this subject that belongs to all of us. Yes, no one escapes getting old. We have jointly brought to the table conversations about sexism, racism, about physical appearance or body shaming, but it seems that the issue of age continues to be left aside. The funniest thing is that it is a sword that stalks us all and, no matter how much you want to remove it or move it, it will always hang over our heads, lurking, to fall when we least expect it. We're all going there! It is the only thing from which no one can escape: age.
It is a very rough subject and we are all caught up in it. The very word anti-aging leads to denial, rejection. Usually, the words that have the prefix anti of Greek origin lead us to negative concepts: antihero, unhygienic, antisocial and, practically, it means that it is the opposite or with opposite priorities; that is to say, it is a rejection... so what? Well, the age.
In the same anti-aging concept that we see in millions of advertisements, bombarding us on our mobile phones, on the street, in television advertisements or social networks, or in the same magazines, it is intrinsic to our self-esteem, our acceptance, our worth, leaving us very clear that growing up, aging, changes in the body, hormones, expression lines, gray hair, loss of physical energy, everything related to the passage of time, is wrong. It is not commonly accepted by society.
We have to change the narrative. We have to create safe and realistic dialogues where we can find out about the wonder that the passage of time gives us. Wisdom, emotional intelligence, our ever-changing history, our infinite creativity, the gift of being able to start a new version of yourself every day, the clarity of seeing life from experience, empathy already embodied, naked talks – clear and direct –, recognizing the power of saying no, taking ownership of your sexuality and a thousand other things that only with the years of life one understands and treasures. It goes beyond a laser or botox, or a facelift or nutritional supplements – beware, everyone has the freedom to choose how to age –. In my case, when required, I will not hesitate for a second to visit the blade, or try the latest laser for that collagen boost , or – even – continue with the 30 pills that I take every morning to improve my quality of life, or the monthly visits to the beauty salon to cover my beautiful gray hair. It's not about these minutiae. After all, these are just temporary palliatives while we try to make sense of all the constant barrage of anti-aging images around us.
We are used to making comments like: 'But you look good for your age!', 'You can still look amazing in those jeans', 'You shouldn't dress like that for your age', 'Sit down ma'am!' , 'Someone tell her that she has lost the sexy woman pose'. That is why women like Paulina Porizkova have decided to raise their voices expressing that being sexy and authentic at any age should not be a subject to judge a woman; Martha Stewart, recently on the cover of Sports Illustratedissue in her swimsuit, reiterates that talking about age is boring and that the conversation should instead focus on how to live your life to the fullest in all its eras. Sarah Jessica Parker, the eternal sexy girl, in her new version of And Just Like That, focuses all her guns on making visible the problems and complexities of age. Jane Fonda unstoppable, creative, beautiful, speaking of ageism ; Cher being Cher in all her edgy, fantastical, incomparable outfits, laughing at the number on the calendar; Jennifer Lopez looking spectacular, being an example of perseverance and discipline. And the list goes on! The point here is to understand that the concepts and words that we constantly use are not empathic and it is something that, if seen from the outside, is not perceived. It is the classic phrase: 'watching the bull from the barrier'. And even more so when you have to not be from the barrier, but in the center of the square, the perspective totally changes.
That's why I feel that at 50 the age of fire begins. It is the watershed in life where we set fire to what we have been dragging emotionally, physically and spiritually. It is the detachment of what we have accumulated, it is the elective burning of what is already obsolete in our being. It is vindicating ourselves before our own life story and emerging radiant from the ashes like a Phoenix bird, flying higher, further and more powerful than ever.
Life is complex. The daily battles are too many. Gender stereotypes are heavy. The expectations that have been raised for decades about the role of women in the home and in the workplace are too high to discount her qualities, her intelligence, her achievements and her history for the number of years she has been in this Land. In other words, it is not enough to be the emotional support of the family, to be a teacher, chef, doctor, psychologist, friend of games, and also, to be a wife, lover, partner, supporter, worker, creator, entrepreneur, trainer and guide of coworkers; and – besides – dealing with their own childhood traumas, regulating emotions, seeking spirituality and – on top of all these constant challenges of each day –, having the sword of Damocles threatening the stereotypes of age... it's too much.
It is time to learn that each one has her own path, her personal vision of how she wants to look despite her age. It is time to leave the taboo that being sexy belongs to certain ages, or that being happy, fun, different, enterprising, powerful and indomitable, does not suit women over 50.
It's time to embrace expression through fashion, without expecting all of us to have to look or act our age. This letter started because fashion is freedom without discrimination, fashion is expression and extension of being, fashion is identity and no one has to tell you what you should or should not wear at that age. Fashion reinvents itself and is constantly reborn from the ashes. Like us, fashion is also part of the fire age. She is not governed by dogmas or laws either, it is fashion. Can we let the woman just be?
Source: vogue.mx
